I Hate This Part
by Shinylane1.2
Summary: Beckett has a nightmare about her mother's death. She decides to call Castle after concluding she can't handle it by herself. Please review!


**Hey everyone, this is ShineyLane1.2! Beckett has a terrifying nightmare, she can't handle it. Please review if you have any suggestion-- they are greatly appreciated!**

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Violent screaming rang in Kate's ears. She was fighting something… a fear- although she wasn't entirely aware of her surroundings. With immeasurable effort, she jumped up and let out a piercing cry into the cool night air. As she gained knowledge of the situation, she realized she was in the comfort of her room.

_Another nightmare._ She thought, running fingers through her hair. _More like a night terror. _

The nightmare was about her mom—Joanna. She had had the same dream at least once a week about the struggle of her mother's death. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the thought out of her head—it stalked her wherever she went. Kate sighed, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

Since going back to bed was out of the question, she got up. Sluggishly, she dragged herself to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of cool water to calm down.

"God, it just gets worse and worse." She whispered, taking a giant gulp. As she set down the glass, a wave of sorrow blew over her. "God!" she yelled, sinking to the ground and sobbing uncontrollably.

_I can't do this anymore._ For a few moments, she sat there weeping quietly. When she built up the courage to stand up, Kate's lonely feeling drove her to call someone.

_Him._ She thought, deciding almost instantly._ I'll call him. He'll understand the most out of everyone… I hope._

She inched her way to the phone and grasped it in her hands. Cautiously, she dialed him up, wondering whether she should follow through or hang up. As she lifted the phone to her ears and heard the faint ringing on the other line, she waited a beat before taking a slight breadth to sooth herself.

"Hello?" the voice on the other line sounded delirious.

"Hey." She tried to sound in control of her emotions.

"Beckett?" Castle took a breath.

"Yeah."

"What's up?"

"Can you come over?"

"Um, isn't it a little late? Is something up?"

"Well, I've just had a rough night. I wanted to talk, but I get it. It's late."

_I knew I shouldn't have called._

"Of course. I'm on my way."

She heard the dial tone as Castle hung up. He was really coming. She set down the phone and wrapped herself up in her comforter and sat in silence on the couch. Every time she closed her eyes, the memories of her mother flew into her mind. Kate was lost, although she knew that, she tried to deny it. She was the kind of person who _had_ to be in control or any and everything.

Her memory flashed back to the night she found out about her mother.

"What's going on?" her father asked as they pulled up to their house, which was packed with police cars.

"I don't know." She casually replied.

"Excuse me," her dad rolled down the window to a nearby policeman. "What's going on here? This is our house."

"Mr. Beckett?" the policeman's face was grim.

"That's me." Kate intently sat on the edge of her seat.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. Do you want to come with me?"

They vigilantly stepped out of the car and walked to the front steps of their house.

"Mrs. Joanna Beckett was killed this evening. We found her body an hour ago."

"What?" her father yelled. Kate stood there, no emotions. She didn't understand and she didn't want to. Her mind blocked off all of the commotion around her, even her dad's screaming. She just sat there, comprehending what she'd just heard.

_My god._

"Beckett?" she snapped back into the present and heard faint knocks at the door.

She jumped up. "Coming." As she opened the door, Castle stood there in his pajamas, smiling slightly. She gave a slight grin.

"Hey." He whispered, raising a hand to give a faint wave.

"Hey." She stared at his face for a moment before he spoke.

"Um. Can I… come in?" he asked, presenting a little twinkle.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, come on in." she held the door open.

"Thanks." He stepped in, taking in her apartment. "Nice place."

"Yeah."

"So what's wrong?" He turned around.

"Well," she didn't know how to start out. Maybe she shouldn't have even called him here in the first place, "I keep having these dreams."

"Dreams?" he asked.

"They're of my mom's death, I have the, once maybe twice a week." She walked over and sat on the couch.

Mimicking her, Castle sat on a chair opposite to Kate's seat. "Oh. What happens?"

"I don't really know, it's kind of like those dreams that scare you to death, yet you never remember what they were. All you know is that you're terrified."

"Yeah. Are okay now?" his eyes contained sympathy.

"Um." She paused, thinking about her answer. "No."

"Do you want to talk?"

"Um. Yeah."

"Okay."

"Well you know it's always there—I can't shake it out of my head. I remember everything, yet I can't not." Her eyes began to fill again, although this time she allowed them to do their duties. "I don't know, I just hate because I know it'll never go away, as long as I live."

She breathed heavily and began to weep a little harder. "I just can't carry this anymore. I've held my ground too long and I need a break!" her voiced raised as the sobs were more expressed. She poured her heart out in every word. "I can't take it anymore!" Kate threw her hands to her eyes, crying incessantly.

"Kate." Castle stood up and sat on the couch next to her.

"God!" she jumped up, not wanting his comfort. "Ugh! I can't handle this!" he stood up with her, grabbing her close to him. She tensed up, fighting his grasp but his hold was too tight.

"Kate, calm down."

"No!" she screamed, "I can't calm down! Let go of me!"

He pulled her in closer and pressed his cheek against the side of her head. "Hey, hey. It's okay."

Kate paused, taking heavy breaths—devouring the air. "I can't…" she sunk back into Castle's grasp, melting into him.

"It's alright." He whispered in her ears, holding her tight from any harm, "You're okay."

She was jolting with every breath, spasmodically shaking. Kate felt safe- for the first time in a long while, she felt safe from sadness, safe from herself. She was sitting in his lap on the floor, where he was rocking back and forth, stroking her hair with his fingers. This was the closest they'd ever gotten.

"I'm sorry," she managed to cry out.

"Shh." He shushed, "don't be."

For almost fifteen minutes, they sat there. Neither one said anything as they perched there in silence. Kate sniffled as Castle wrapped her in his arms tighter, without an ounce of selfishness to it. She rested her head on his chest and let herself be in the coziness of his clutches.

Kate shifted, scooting out of his embrace and stood up. She watched as he pushed himself off the ground. Their eyes met for a moment full of pure tranquility.

"Do you need me to stay?" he asked breaking the stillness.

"Uh." She wiped her nose, "I think I'm alright. Thanks, Castle."

"Of course." He smiled, placing his thumb under her eye, wiping away the tears. He held her as they walked to the door.

"Castle." She whispered. He turned to her. In a split second, Kate jumped up and their lips locked. As they released, Castle's face was full shock and awe. "I'm sorry." She was embarrassed. What had come over her?

"It's alright." He still gazed down at her, "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

_Yes!_

"Maybe you should." He smiled as they turned around approached the couch.

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**Thanks to the songs "I Hate This Part" by the Pussy Cat Dolls, and "Come on In" by Tommy Fields. **


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